How am I doing now?

It's been over 6 months since I last upated. In that time, I celebrated my 28th birthday, walked in Salt Lake City's Susan G. Komen race, spent a summer working in Yellowstone, got a job working as a daycare teacher,and attended a Survivor luncheon put on by Susan G. Komen. I've also had my first haircut in a year. See the picture below:


It's that time of year again where I go in for my check-ups, bloodwork,and testing. I had bloodwork done last Thursday and will meet with my oncologist, Dr. Werner, on Monday. I'm praying that everything will come back normal as I haven't been feeling all that great lately. I have a really bad cough that started over the summer and has progressively gotten worse over the last week. I also have an MRI of the left breast on October 28th. Again, hoping for all good news when these results come back. It's always nerve-wracking to have to wait for these things, but no matter what happens, I trust Jesus.

I haven't lost any weight like I'd hoped I would. I've gone back to my nutrionist and personal trainer with the hopes that I can get this weight off. I realize I'm an emotional eater. When I am stressed out, I often turn to food. I'm trying to find healthier alternatives, but I find that I struggle with this.

Another thing I've noticed since I've been on the "survivor" side of all this, is that when all the treatment is done and you're thrown back into the real world again, it is very difficult to adjust. At least it has been for me. My priorities have changed. I'm still very sensitive about this topic. I still cry often when I think about it. I have the daily reminder every day when I look down at my chest and see that scar that was once my breast. I feel as though I've become withdrawn in an effort to find myself again. I feel as though people my age just can't understand or relate. I feel different. I just want to go one day without thinking about cancer. I want to think that this cough is maybe just allergies or a cold, not lung cancer. I know it takes time to overcome these feelings and concerns, but for now, they are haunting me.

One other thing that has been on my mind lately is my desire to move back to Maine. I miss my family and friends there. I miss the ocean. I really miss all that's familiar to me and I really just want to go back to a place where I know I have people that love me. Being here in Utah has been difficult to adjust and I think with the way I've been feeling, I really need to be around people that care about me. If I can afford to, I plan to move back this spring or summer.

Breast cancer had become my world and now I am trying to figure out how to let go of that and start living life - my second chance. I have taken full advantage of the Wellness Center at Huntsman Cancer Hospital: yoga, acupuncture, zumba, seeing a nutritionist, and attending cicuit training. I know I will find my way again, it has just been a lot harder than I imagined it would be. I just need to let go, breathe, and take it one day at a time.

Spring has sprung :)

This spring will be different for me and I am so ready for the fresh start. :) No chemo. No shots. No pain. And my hair will only keep getting longer, not falling out. It feels so good to know that this year will be different.

So, let's see. I never updated about my trip to Florida. It was amazing! I saw my mom for the first time since September, my aunt who I hadn't seen since August, and two of my cousins whom I hadn't seen in years. It was great catching up with all of them and meeting my cousin Alex's wife, Melissa. The weather was beautiful and warm all four days we were there. Disney was amazing and I swear we walked close to ten miles that day! (I lost 3 pounds when I got back from that trip!) The conference was really quite incredible. I was surrounded by women my age who knew and understood what I had gone through. Some of them were still in treatment, wearing bandanas or hats to cover up their baldness. We were given different colored lei's depending on our situation. For example, white meant you were less than a year out from diagnosis, green was 1-5 years out, and so on. I caught myself seeing a young woman with a white or green lei and thinking, "Wow, she looks really young." And then I'd remember.... I'm young, too.

I often hear, "You're really young to have breast cancer." However, it happened. And there were hundreds of women as young or younger than me who had been diagnosed. The picture below is the group photo from the conference. I'm in the front row on the left side, wearing white pants and a purple tank top. There were women from TEN different countries there: Canada, Colombia, Germany, Ireland, Isreal, New Zealand, Philippines, UK, USA, and Zambia

Kinda crazy to think all of these woman were diagnosed under the age of 40, isn't it?



Overall, it was a great trip and great experience. I miss my family but I'm really grateful I was able to spend even four days with them. :)







My most recent trip was to Oregon to visit my great uncle Sonny and aunt Olga. Alan came along and we had a lot of fun! We were spoiled rotten by them, ate very well, and got to see the sights of Oregon. We went to a museum, an Indian casino, and on the last night, we went out to dinner. From there, we went to California to see the Pacific and explore the Redwood Forest. I was in absolute awe by that place. Those trees are so enchanting and beautiful. The history they hold and what those trees have endured through time is incredible. If you've never been, I highly recommend you see it at least once in your lifetime.



The Pacific coast was beautiful, as well. We had fun on the beach! (I had a cold so I didn't take my shoes off, but Alan had a good time!) :)








In health news, I'm still feeling well. I've been eating right and exercising. Last time I checked in with my nutritionist, I was down 8 lbs! It has been very encouraging.

Also, I will be having a colonoscopy on April 19th because I want to make extra sure there is nothing wrong with my GI tract. If my body continues to feel as well as it has, I may cancel it. The doctors kept telling me to just give my body 6 months to a year to feel normal again. So, I will keep you all posted on that issue.

Until next time, enjoy the warmer weather! :)

Love,
Annie xx

Recalling the first surgery

It was one year ago today that I endured my first lumpectomy. I remember being relieved that the tumor would finally be removed from my body. Everything happened so quickly, it all seems like a blur when I think back to that day. Dr. Molin was wonderful though. My mom, sister, and brother were all there that day. I remember when I came out of surgery, groggy from the anethesia, and seeing them all standing at the foot of my bed. I remember Dr. Molin coming into my post-op room, leaning over me, and saying, "This is curable." I remember I started crying, not because I was in pain, but because I was so incredibly overwhelmed with what was happening to me. I suppose a part of me was hoping to wake up from this nightmare and have it be just that. But little did I know what lay ahead of me in those following months. Exactly one week later, I would be back in surgery again, in attempt to remove all of the cancer in my breast.

One Thousand Gifts

There is nothing health-wise to update on (thank God). But the Conference for Young Women affected by breast cancer is only 4 days away!! I am very excited about this for a few reasons:

1. I get to see my mom and aunt and cousins.
2. I get to meet hundreds of other women going through what I did, but who are my age.
3. I get to be in 75-80 degree weather.
4. I get to spend a day at Disney World.

Needless to say, I have a lot to look forward to this week. :)

I completed my CNA training last Friday and passed both my written and skills tests. When I get back from Florida, I plan to take my state testing so I can be a Certified Nursing Assitant.

I met some wonderful people at the Care Center I trained at. The elderly have such grace and wisdom that can only come through years and years of experience with all that life throws at you. Their ability tolerate what others would probably complain about is incredible. I met one lady, age 86, who only recently became legally blind. I talked with her for quite awhile. I told her of my diagnosis with cancer and she, without hesitation, told me that God would take care of me. That I would live a long time and I needn't worry. And she told me she would pray for me, that prayers do work.

I had a few of the women tell me that they would pray for me. For me, it is so comforting to hear. Though I am done with treatment, it doesn't necessarily mean I am out of the clear. Most would probably tell me to think positive, which I do, but I also have to be realistic. There is a difference and I have to accept that nothing is guaranteed. But what I do know for sure is that, "Faith brings the gift of new beginnings just when we need them."

God has given me another chance at life. I am constantly planning for my future. There is a lot that I want to see, a lot of things I want to do, and I am working towards accomplishing all that I can in this short life, cancer or no cancer. I suppose that is one of the greatest gifts to come out of this experience. I am learning to stop saying, "There's always tomorrow." Tomorrow is never guaranteed, and not only that, you never know what it may bring. I am a walking example of how quickly life can change in a matter of seconds.


A fellow sister within the realm of breast cancer told me of a book called, "One Thousand Gifts", by Ann Voskamp. This sparked my curiousity and I researched it. I have to say, I am in love with this idea. It encourages readers to write down at least three things, every day, that you are thankful for. The author began writing her 'One Thousand Gifts' and it is all very inspiring. Below is a video that correlates with the book:




With cancer, a lot of emotions consume you. A lot of negative emotions, at that. I've learned how important it is to stay focused on a positive light and sometimes that takes not only work, but daily reminders. I am going to practice this idea and I hope you will, too. :)

Love,
Annie xx

Busy bee

The past few weeks have been very busy for me, hence the busy bee. ;)

I started a CNA training class that runs for three weeks, Monday-Thursday from 9-3, and on Friday's we do our clinicals at an assisted living center. Not only that, but I'm still working a few days a week (closing shifts). So sometimes my day can be 10+ hours. It's exhausting, but worth it.

All that aside, I am feeling pretty good. No pain or anything. However, I feel as though my GI tract is still not back to normal from when I first began chemo. I explained my symptoms to Dr. Werner when I saw her a few weeks ago. She said that it was pretty normal and that it may not go back to it's pre-chemo state for about 6-12 months out from my last treatment. I'm hoping it does sooner than July. But if I still have concerns, she set me up with a GI doctor. I may need to have a colonoscopy if it doesn't go back to normal. Yikes.

Also, my stamina is not where I would like it to be. But it could just be the long days....

One big plus, is that my hair is getting longer and longer..and curly!! :)

I went to my first training session at the Wellness Center last Thursday. I'm still hoping to run the entire 5k on April 16th without stopping. Unfortunately, since starting the CNA training, I haven't had the time or energy to train for it. Also, I NEED to start eating better. I have a food journal but have only logged one day's worth of information since I got it.

Goals for next week:
Walking after each class for 30 min.
Eat better!

And lastly, I will be in Florida two weeks from today!! :) I am so excited to meet all of the other young women who know and understand what I have been through. And more than anything, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MY MOM!! And my Aunt Stef and cousins, Theresa and Alex! Should be fun!! xx

Spring will be here soon!!!!

One year ago

Yes, it has officially been one year since my diagnosis. It is hard to believe that it has been that long. When I reflect back to when I first heard the doctor say, "I'm sorry to tell you this..but the results did come back as cancer.", I remember how my mind went numb and I just started to cry. I remember feeling denial and disbelief for weeks following that day. I remember crying mostly out of frustration because the cancer was interfering with my happiness and with my life. I had plans and cancer was ruining all of them. I was mad. I was at myself for not taking better care of myself, thinking it was all my fault that this happened. And I just wanted to believe that they had made some sort of mistake, that it couldn't possibly be happening to me.

And when it finally sank in, I begged God not to let me die. And I cried. A lot.

I remember everything happening so quickly. I was constantly seeing doctors, having tests done, prepping for surgery, waiting for results, going back into surgery, waiting for results, deciding when to start chemo, deciding what chemotherapy drugs to take, for how long, where, and waiting some more....

My life had become a whirlwind of medical terms I didn't understand and I was scared. I hated hearing the hushed conversation between my doctors, nurses, and mom. I hated sitting in a chair, as the center of attention, and having them all stand around me, looking at me, and telling me what to expect from all of these treatments. It was so hard to hear that my cancer was aggressive. It was hard to hear that my hair would fall out. Everything was so completely overwhelming and frightening.

But it wasn't all bad. In fact, I like to think of it as a blessing in disguise.

Right from start, once I had the courage to tell everyone that I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer, came the most beautiful outpouring of love and support from family, friends, other women who had been through it, and people I didn't even know. Alan stayed with me through it all, proving to be a stronger man than most. I was able to know my dad's side of the family better after spending my summer with them while I went through chemo. I heard from friends and family I hadn't seen in years and so many reached out to me. I found God again and He has been the one I reach out to the most when it gets really tough.

I had a very, very difficult year physically and emotionally. But it was a beautiful experience in that it taught me a lot about myself. I think I was able to help others remember that life is precious. I came to realize I was a fighter and I have a lot more strength than I thought. But I believe we're all a lot stronger than we think. :)

Here's to putting that year behind me.

I love you guys. Thanks for all that you've done for me. You know I couldn't have done it without you. xx

A new beginning

I am long overdue to update my blog. Much has happened in the almost two months since I last posted. And I am happy to say it is all good news! :) So, I left off when I was still going through radiation. Thankfully, I have completed all 30 treatments. :)

They started off with not much as far as pain goes, but by the second week, I was very red. By the third week, I was waking up in the night because it felt like my skin was on fire. And at the end, I had begun to peel. The worst of it seemed to be in the area in which the tumor was located. Fatigue was also a major side effect. By 7:30 p.m. every night I was ready for bed. I also had to wear this soft barrier called mepilex in between my arm and radiated area under my armpit every time I worked because the rubbing caused so much pain (due to the burns).

Fortunately, my skin has come back healthy and smooth and my energy is back. The only real indication that I even had radiation is the tanning of my skin that will more than likely remain for quite some time. But now I can breathe. :)

I AM IN REMISSION!!!!


After radiation and school ended, and Christmas past, I took about eight days off from work to just RELAX. I had been going non-stop for two long and tiring months and I just need to have a week to do nothing. Alan and I had another great Christmas together. :) We went to two Christmas parties at his aunt's house and spent about a week at his parent's house. Our friend Lexi took some Christmas pictures of us and they turned out amazing!! Thank you Lexi! :) We rang in the New Year with friends, played Cranium and Clue, ate all kinds of food, and drank champagne as the ball dropped. It was a lot of fun and I have had a wonderful 2011! :)

So, what has been going on this year? Lots of follow-up appointments and testing.


I started taking Tamoxifen to help block estrogen. There are a lot of potential side effects that can occur by taking the medicine, but the benefits outweight those side effects. So far I haven't had any problems with it.

I had a Pap, an ultrasound of my pelvis (uterus, ovaries, endometrial lining), and a mammogram done this month. All came back normal and I am very grateful for that!

This Friday I am having physical fitness assessment and meeting with a nutritionist to help guide me back to a healthier lifestyle. I gained about 25 lbs last year and I really want to take that weight off and then some. I'm ready for that change! As a motivator, Alan told me that when I lose the weight I want to, he will buy me a dog (from a shelter, of course!). I have been wanting a dog for years. And that dog could go walking/running with me! :)


Next month, I am attending the Conference for Young Women affected by breast cancer in Orlando, Florida. My mum, Aunt Stef, and cousin Theresa will all be joining me. I can't wait!! We will be going to Magic Kingdom and Epcot the day before the conference starts, which will be so much fun!


So that's pretty much what's been going on with me. :) I am happy and healthy, by the grace of God and thanks to all of you!