I made it!

A picture Alan took of me last summer jumping off a rock into Phelps Lake in Grand Teton National Park, WY. I just love it.. it was such a freeing moment to freefall into a crystal clear, chilly lake surrounded by some of the most beautiful mountains in the country.

I can't believe chemo is DONE!! To be honest, it's a little surreal. It had become a part of my every day life over the last 16 weeks: doctor's visits, lab draws, echocardiograms, pre-meds, fatigue, hair loss, aches, and hours of sitting in an infusion room getting pumped full of poison.... and it's ALL done. YAY!! :)

All that I have left to do here in Minnesota is have one more lab draw and a follow-up with my oncologist....then it's off to Maine for surgery! (It's about a 90% chance I'll definitely be going back there first before I head out West.)


I have a surgeon lined up at Mercy Hospital in Portland.. I have my family and friends to visit and spend time with.. a wedding to attend.. I'd like to visit my family in New York.. I'd like to take a trip to Montreal.. I'd like spend some time on the beach.. and maybe even catch the beginning of the fall foliage before I head back to Utah!


The tentative plan is that I'll head back to Maine on August 18th (the same day Alan plans to head back to Utah for school). And I hope to have surgery the week of August 23rd. I'm also hoping that I will recover within 4 weeks and get the "Okay" from Dr. Molin to head back to Utah. Like I said in my last post, classes start October 4th and I'd really like to get back in time for school.


But for right now, I'm just going to enjoy these next 3 weeks with my family out here and Alan. Starting to feel the onset of the chemo as I write this.. but I'll just keep drinking lots of water and flush it out of me as fast as I can so that I don't feel like this for too long. At least I won't have to go through it again. :)

That's all for now..just wanted to give a quick update. A big thank you to my mom and uncle John for the bouquets of flowers that were waiting for me when I got home from treatment. Very sweet and thoughtful of them! And to Alan for sitting with me at the hospital for 5 hours while I had my last treatment. He's a good sport and very patient. :) And to the staff at the hospital for giving me a balloon that said, "Congrats!" and a card signed by the nurses on duty. :)

Thanks again for all the love and support you've given me. I'm a much stronger and better person because of you all. :)


We match! Alan shaved his head to show his support! I sure do love him. :)

Lots of love always,

DaNcE IN THE rAiN

My new motto through all this cancer stuff :)

So, after doing some thinking, I decided to do a little editing with my blog. :) I wanted to make it more personal, up-to-date, and with shorter entries. Hope you like what I've done! (It's still a work in progress..)

One week until my last chemo (hopefully forever!). I'm feeling kinda blah these days..low energy, kinda sick feeling in my stomach..had a random nosebleed at 4:30 a.m. two nights ago. BUT..the end of this gross feeling is near!!

Still trying to decide where to go for surgery: Maine or Utah. I have to make a list of pros and cons and go from there. Well..really..the main concern is the dreadful insurance. Maine has me covered.. Utah potentially does with Medicaid.

So, why the need to decide? I'd really like to start school again this fall at Utah Career College. Classes start October 4th. We'll see.. I just really really want to move on with my life....

I went to a mass at the beautiful (and enormous!) Cathedral of St. Paul on Monday where a memorial mass was held for Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. They had her rosary and sandals on display. She was one of the most beautiful and beloved human beings to ever walk this planet; selfless, kind, loving, and always faithful to God. Next month is a mass to honor what would have been her 100th birthday.

I pray she watches over not only myself, but all of us.


A lady approached me at this mass and asked me if I was going through chemo. I told her I was and she said that she just finished her treatment in October. She told me that I would be okay and that God would take care of me. And so would Mother Teresa. I thanked her and said, "Do you mind if I ask what type of cancer you had?". She said, "Breast cancer." Immediately a wave of appreciation for this woman swept over me. She understood what I was going through. She had been through it, too. She told me that she had a double mastectomy. I told her that's what was next for me. She said, "You'll be okay. I'll keep you in my prayers." As I watched her walk away, I started to cry, though she didn't notice. I didn't want her to leave. Here was this woman right in front of me who, without a doubt, felt the same fears I did, felt the same discomfort I did through chemotherapy, and who feels the same hope that I feel that God will take care of us. It was incredibly overwhelming and I suppose crying was the release I needed in that moment.

As I watched her, she walked over to the place where you offer prayers, lit a candle, and knelt down to pray. I wonder if she'll ever know how in that instant, I really believed I'd be okay.... my mom and Alan also lit candles and prayed for me in that exact same spot.

That's all for now.. more to come soon! :)

One last thing....



I think it's fun :)




Thanks for the love and support. xo

the light

I really like this picture. Not only because of the ocean in the background, but because the sunset lights up this stone etched with the simple, encouraging and profound word, "Believe."

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I'm almost done with chemo! Just one more to go and I made it! And boy am I ready.. :) I just had my 7th treatment today. Feeling good, just a little tired and drained, but I am eating just fine and moving about the house well enough. On July 28th, I will have my 8th and final treatment. Then.. it's surgery time!

I spoke briefly with the surgeon, Dr. Zera, of his plan for me if I were to stay in Minnesota for surgery. He said that two or three weeks after my last chemo, he would have me go in for another MRI of my chest to check again for tumors; then go from there. I'm trying to work out the details so that I can finish this journey in Utah and get back into school this fall at Utah Career College. I found out classes start October 4th, which is great as it gives me about a month to recover from surgery before I'd have to worry about that. As I told my mom though, I need to work or go to school. Sitting around these past 4 months hasn't been good for me..it allows for too much thinking and overanalyzing. And I just really want to move on with my life.. to put this behind me and keep moving forward.

Today, my oncologist talked to me a little bit about the surgery and said that if my pathology report after my surgery shows good margins, then I might be able skip radiation. That would be nice! However, I will still need to go on Tamoxifin, the hormone therapy to control my estrogen levels.

I had a very relaxing 4th of July weekend. Alan and I went back up north to Frazee, MN and spent a few days at his aunt and uncle's lake house. Lots of down time: reading, eating, sitting out on their deck and relaxing by the lake. Alan's uncle even took me out on his Harley for a mind-clearing ride through the country. Saw a fireworks show on the night of the 4th. The morning before we left, I took the kayak out to get some exercise and to look for the loon and her 2 babies that had nested on an island on the lake. It was so peaceful and it gave me a chance to be alone with nature.

The 6th treatment was a little tough at times, as I had some intense bone pain in my knees, shins and feet. It made it difficult to stand and walk. My legs kept buckling underneath me as if I'd been jumping on a trampoline for hours. Fortunately, after a few days, that discomfort subsided. I was able to handle this 6th treatment pretty well, thanks in part to the extra recovery time I had been allotted after the surgery for my cyst.

So, 7 down and ONE MORE TO GO!! I can't believe that it's almost over.. All things considered, it went by pretty fast. I started off very fearful, worried that I would be bedridden for the better part of the 16 weeks. Though I had a few obstacles to overcome with my heart suffering from the Adrimyacin and the pilonidal cyst causing severe pain, I think I came through this whole process unscathed. :) Thank you God for carrying me through and showing me how strong I really am!! And for all the love and support I receive on a daily basis!! What would I do without all of you? :)

Katelyn's Spaghetti Fundraiser on July 3rd was a success! She raised $1,836 for me!! Amazing :) My family had taken some pictures so that I could see what it looked like and who was there to support me, and I have to say it looked so beautiful and she did a wonderful job!! And it was so nice seeing pictures of some old family friends that I haven't seen in awhile! Overall, it was a success and I owe her a huge thank you!!

Jess' fundraiser on July 8th was a success as well! She held a jewelry party at Siano's restaurant in the Old Port, with 20% of the sales going directly to me. Also, Siano's donated their space and $100! She said that it looks like she raised about $400 and is hoping that it will be closer to $500!! If you would like to order some beautiful jewelry, go to www.stelladot.com/jessicalouise with Linda Bancroft-Norden as the host. You have until tomorrow to order!! Thank you Jess for putting that fundraiser together as quickly as you did! I appreciate it! And of course, thank you to all my friends that put in an order! Wish I could've been there to see all of you!

I have some other thank you's to get out there: My Aunt Marianne for the flowers she sent me for my 5th treatment, to my cousin Theresa for sending me the cutest Build-a-Bear which was so sweet and thoughtful :), to my friend Ali for mailing me a chemo care package filled with: a book on eating right to fight cancer, a scarf to use as a headwrap, lotion, detoxing bath salt, ginger to help with nausea and a very sweet card. Also, to my mom for sending me flowers every treatment since I started! I always, always look forward to that. :) My friend, Mel, from South Shields, UK sent me an England tank top and keychain with a handwritten letter. I loved it! :) Also, a big thank you to my brother's friend and his wife (Ryan and Nicole Emmons) who, at their wedding last weekend, had two 'dollar dances' to raise money for my benefit checking account. In those two dances alone, they raised $310!! Very generous and thoughtful of them to do that for me!! My sister also has a donation bucket out at her job and she raised $285 so far. And a friend of my mom's from the Lubec port-of-entry donated to my account as well. The Farnsworth's also gave me some reading material: 2 Nicholas Sparks book, a journal and coloring book with crayons. ENDLESS LOVE AND SUPPORT!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! :)

Honestly, I recieve some type of encouragement every single day. And I have never in my life felt more loved and special as I do on this journey..and I owe it to all of you. :) I recieved so many message and e-mails regarding my last post about my fear and sadness of my upcoming surgery. I have to say, I feel MUCH better now and more confident about my future loss. Thank you for the feedback! There is one particular passage from a message that I'd like to share with you, just because it really spoke to my heart and put my soul at ease:

"....when things in life get me down I ALWAYS remember this one thought...it's the only thing that makes me feel better. I remember that this life is temporary..and while that doesn't necessarily ease our battles here on earth, it does provide the slightest peace of mind for me. I KNOW that whatever I'm facing now, at some point in my life it will be no longer. And the vast majority of my existence will not be in this body."

I have begun to accept this challenge. Sadly, many before me have faced this same crossroads. I literally just saw a commercial about breast cancer and it said that every 3 minutes a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer. That is a scary statistic and a very sad one at that. My friend Jane from Yellowstone told me that I inspired her and that she is interning this fall doing cancer research with a team of oncologists, "because this whole cancer thing just needs to be solved." Bless her heart. :) But she's right! With that many women being diagnosed with breast cancer alone, something needs to be done and fast.

I found this quote the other day and feel empowered when I think of it:

Again, one more treatment and lots of people to thank for their love and support. :)

I AM NOT ALONE!

Lots of love always,