Count your blessings

I wish I could be with my family and relatives this Thanksgiving, especially with all that I've been through this year. Although I love living in the West, it does make it particularly difficult to spend time with them because of the cost of travel. I hope that next year I will have the money to afford a trip to Maine (or New York) for Thanksgiving.

I am very grateful for Alan and his family for inviting me to share their Thanksgiving dinner with them so I don't have to spend it alone. This will be my second time spending the holiday with them. I'm making a Three Bean Bake to contribute to the dinner. :)

I will be calling my mom, brother, sister and uncle tomorrow to wish them a very Happy Thanksgiving and I look forward to hearing their voices.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And remember to be thankful all year 'round.

"Thankful for all things let us be,
Though there be woes and misery;
Lessons they bring us for our good-
Later 'twill all be understood.

Thankful for friends and loved ones, too,
Thankful for all things, good and true,
Thankful for harvest in the fall,
Thankful to Him who gave it all."

Snowed In

It's a cold and stormy night out there. Salt Lake City is getting it's first good snowstorm of the season. I'm laying in bed with my cat cuddled up next to me, feeling blessed to have warmth and shelter on a night like tonight.

I just wanted to update you on how radiation is going. I've had 5 treatments so far. My skin is beginning to get a little red, but there's no pain. I have 25 more treatments to go, and expect to be done between Christmas and New Year's Day.

I woke up this morning with horrible pain in my right hip, to the point where I could hardly walk. It's gone away for the most part, however I can still feel it. It's amazing what a diagnosis of cancer can do you to. My first thought was, "Oh no. The cancer has metastisized to my bone." It creates this paranoia that's hard to shake, and I am trying to sum it up to the idea that maybe I just slept on it wrong. I'll keep you posted.

As far as other side effects: FATIGUE. I am finding myself exhausted by about 7:00p.m. I have no energy. I'm gaining weight like crazy. Even when I eat right, I'm not losing the weight because I am not exercising. So I now have to challenge myself to get up, go for a walk and then take a nap if I have to. Pray for God to give me strength. And aside from a constant headache all day, things are going well. School is going well. I have an 'A' in Biology which was so exciting to see! And next week, I don't have class, so that will be a nice break.

Hope you all have a nice weekend! Stay warm. :)

Royal Wedding

I know this has nothing to do with breast cancer, but it's an exciting day for me as my celebrity crush for the last 15 years has announced his engagement! :) I know, I'm ridiculous, but I just can't help myself. :) Anyway, congratulations to Prince William and Kate Middleton!

She dresses like a princess already. :)

I've attached the link so you can read about it and watch the video of them talking to the press. :) (Just click on the sentence below.)

Prince William and Kate Middleton speak about their engagement - watch the video here - mirror.co.uk

He gave Kate his late mother's engagement ring because as he stated: "It was my way of making sure my mother didn't miss out on today and the excitement, and the fact that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together."

I thought that was incredibly thoughtful of him. And I'm sure she is very happy for him. :)

I'm really looking forward to watching that event unfold on television next year. I with them all the best for the future! (Even though I wish it were me..) haha I'm just kidding. :)

I have my prince. :)

28 days and counting

I really like these pictures from the website, www.yourtruenature.com This one is appropriate in that it calls for patience. I'm so anxious because I am so close to being done with treatment!! But I've heard it goes by fast.. so I just need to be patient. :)

And so I have begun this last leg of my breast cancer journey. I started radiation on Thursday, November 11th. My prescription calls for 30 days total of treatment and I estimate that I will be done on Christmas Eve (if they're open that day). If they are closed, then it will be December 27th.

The radiation therapists are very kind. They like to joke around with me and (for some reason) think I 'have a great sense of style'. :) They love my purse. They love my necklace. They love my jeans. I walk out of there feeling fabulous!

The radiation is quick and painless. I get to Radiation Oncology, check-in and go right to the dressing room. I change into a hospital gown (leaving the lower half dressed) and sit briefly in the waiting room. Once they call me in, I just walk back to the radiating room, lie down and they mark me and line me up under the machine. Then I just lay there with my arms up over my head, gown open over my mastectomy site and watch the machine rotate around me as I listen to country music. Five minutes later, I'm back in the changing rooom and out the door headed home.

Like I said, quick and painless! :) And that's that. More updates soon! xo

mixed it up

The chaos of this closet is basically how my bedroom looks since I haven't had a chance to unpack or clean since I moved in a week ago.

Due to unorganization or perhaps just a mind-slip, I missed my radiation appointment (for the 'dry run') today. I thought it was at 3:00 p.m. and apparently it was at 11:00 a.m. Not to worry, they rescheduled it for tomorrow at 3:00 p.m.

Goal for the day: Get my bedroom to look like this:



..or at least something like that. :) I'll update again on Wednesday. They told me that they will make the schedule for my radiation (for the next 6 1/2 weeks), following the 'dry run'.

tattoos and tears

Sorry I didn't update sooner. Last week was incredibly busy.

You're probably wondering how it went getting my tattoos and mould for radiation. Well, it hurt. The tattoos did anyway. Hence the title, "tattos and tears".

I arrived at the Hunstman Cancer Hospital, checked in and was led to a dressing room. I was advised to change into a hospital gown but to leave my lower half dressed. After changing, I sat in a waiting room with two other women dressed the same way. I only had to wait about 5 minutes before my name was called. I followed one of the radiation therapists (who was dressed as a ladybug for Halloween) into a room where a CT scan machine was waiting, as well as another radiation therapist (dressed as a bumble bee).

They had me lay down on my back with the gown opening in the front. I had to put my arms up over my head and turn my head to the left. As I lay there, one of the therapists put stickers all over the right side of my chest (basically circling my mastectomy scar) while the other therapist prepared the mould. When she was done preparing it, she brought it over and asked me to sit up as she slid it underneath my head and neck then had me lay back down with my arms back up over my head. I had to lay completely still as the watery substance began to harden around me.

While that was going on, a doctor came in to examine my breast and the sticker placement that the other therapist had plastered on me. Then Dr. Poppe came in and approved of the placement. (Somewhere during all of this, my eyes began to well up with tears. I fought it hard, but to no avail. I suppose it was from a combination of things: embarassment of my naked, exposed upper body, fear and anxiety from being back in the hospital again, and probably frustration because I just want to get on with my life and not have to do all of this stuff anymore. Whatever it was, they streamed down my cheeks slowly but surely as I went in and out of the CT machine. The bumble bee told me that this was the one place I didn't have to be strong and it was okay to cry. And with that, the tears fell a little faster.) I went in and out of the CT scan machine a few times as they planned and plotted around my right lung and any other organ that might be affected by the radiation. Once that was done, I could finally put my arms down as the mould was hardened completely.

Now for the painful part. The bumblebee removed the stickers, which pinched and pulled. She was also the one to tattoo me. She stamped me in six different places: once on the outside of both my breasts along the ribcage, a few times around my former right breast and once on my upper stomach where the top of my right lung is. Then she took what looked like a thumb tac with a slight bend at the end of it and pressed it onto each stamped dot. Imagine someone sticking a tac into your chest, stomach and ribcage. Yup. I cried again. It was not fun. But at least I got to go home after that.

On a happy note, I have completely moved into a new apartment. Alan and I went to a Utah Jazz game last night and watched them beat the Toronto Raptors. We had a great time and laughed all night at the Jazz Bear as he did all kinds of crazy stuff as he worked the crowd. :) School is keeping me busy and I was able to get a work release form from Dr. Poppe so I can go back to work now! :)

I still have JOY in my heart inspite of the pain. I am not alone. xo