How this all started

This blog will be longer because I'm covering a 5 month period! It goes over what I've been through and where I'm at now.

"This isn't supposed to be happening." -Dr. Rasumussen's first words to me. (I was his second youngest patient that he had worked with.)

I'll start from the beginning....

In October, I first noticed the lump. I wasn't doing a breast exam. I just happened to notice it, and thank God for that! My first thought was, "That's not good." But breast cancer was really the last thing I expected. Initially I was just going to hope it would go away. But Alan was the one who said to call about it. I think he was more concerned than I was. And I'm so glad he was.

The next day I called Planned Parenthood to see what they recommended. They gave me the number to the Cancer Research Center in Salt Lake City, UT. I called there, they told me to, "wait two cycles to see if it goes away." Although Dr. Rasmussen said that they did nothing wrong in telling me to wait, I am going to advise you to get a second opinion.

After waiting just over two months with absolutely no change, I called back and left a message. Here's where I should've been more on top of things. When they didn't answer, I waited about 2 weeks for them to call back. The lump was still there and now I was getting nervous. I called back again and left a more urgent message and Darlene called me back. She wanted me to come in and get a breast exam.

I went in for the breast exam with the hope that maybe it was just a cyst. I told the nurse how cysts run in my family. She said, "It feels like a cyst but I want to make sure that's all it is. I'm going to schedule you for an ultrasound."

A few days later, Alan brought me to my ultrasound appointment. I started to feel uneasy even being there. As the nurse was doing the ultrasound, she got a look on her face, stopped what she was doing and said, "I'll be right back. I'm just going to get Dr. Kendall." I knew then it was more serious than I thought. Dr. Kendall came in and as he was doing the ultrasound he also got a look on his face that showed concern. With my last bit of hope I said, "The nurse thought it might be a cyst." He followed that with, "I can tell right now that it's not a cyst." This is where things began to snowball.

Dr. Kendall told me he needed to do a biopsy but first wanted me to have a mammogram. So, I went right from the ultrasound, down the hall and in for a mammogram. It was awkward and uncomfortable. When that was done, I went back down the hall for my biopsy. Because I'm young, the mammogram turned out to be pretty useless because my breast tissue is so dense. Now for the biopsy.

I had no idea how bad this was going to hurt. He showed me the huge needle he would use to numb my breast with lidocaine. Then he showed me the needle he would use for the biopsy. Yeah.. Then he demonstrated the sound the biopsy needle would make. No joke, it makes a sound similar to when you cock a shotgun. I almost threw up.

He numbs me (or tries to) and after poking around with a needle, determined I was numb enough to procede. I didn't feel that huge biopsy needle go into me. But as soon as he pulled out that sample, I was writhing in pain. He might as well have just lit my breast on fire. His response as he looked at me surprised was, "You weren't supposed to feel that." Through tears I mananged to say, "I felt everything!" He numbed me with more licodaine and gave me an ice pack. But I was still in shock. What the heck is going on?! I was just supposed to have an ultrasound.... He was supposed to take a few more samples, but decided that the one he got was a good one and he wouldn't put me through anymore. Thank God!

From here, I waited for the call that would determine my next step. Waiting for this call was THE worst. Of course the day I was supposed to find out, the lab hadn't gotten the results back so I would find out the next day. And I did.

I was at work when I got the call. Dr. Kendall called and I KNEW just from the uneasiness in his voice I had cancer. My heart started to race and my eyes filled up with tears. He was trying to make small talk about the ultrasound and jokingly asked if I had recovered from that experience. Then he finally told me what I already knew. "We got the results back from the biopsy..and uh.. they did come back as cancer." Instant tears. He tried to be as comforting as he could but all I wanted to do was go home and cry. And I did.

Telling Alan was incredibly difficult. I didn't want to put him through this. When I told him, he said, "Are you serious?". He sat there stunned and then he just held me while I cried. He told me everything would be okay. Alan has always been positive about the outcome for me and keeps my spirits up. Two days later, he took me to a ballet to get my mind off of everything.

Telling my family was just as difficult. They were all shocked. They researched and did what they could. I was so grateful when they all decided to come out to be with me when I had surgery and to help me through treatment. My mom keeps telling me that she doesn't have that motherly instinct that tells her I won't make it. She belives with all her heart I'll be okay, and I find comfort in that. I can't even imagine being on the other side of this and hearing a loved one has cancer. I've tried to put myself in their position but I don't like thinking about it. I'd rather it was me than them.

After the diagnosis of breast cancer, I was assigned a surgeon. I met with Dr. Rasmussen and the opening line of this blog is how our conversation started. He told me that I had invasive ductal carcinoma, I was estrogen/progesterone positive (which is a good thing because it is easier to control) and I'm HER2 negative (Another good thing! This is a more agressive type of cancer and I don't have it). He told me what he wanted to do before he decided on what type of surgery I will be having: MRI to check for other tumors and to check my lymph nodes. And a BRCA2 gene test. Then based on those results and after meeting with a panel of other surgeons, oncologists, etc. he would determine how he wanted to do this.

So, after meeting with him, I went down to the lab to have my blood drawn (something I don't even flinch about anymore). The gene test cost $3,100! Expensive, but worth it. Then a few days later, I had the MRI. This was a long, noisy procedure where I laid facedown in this machine for almost an hour unable to move. But they got the pictures they needed.

My BRCA2 gene test came back negative! Yay! Had it been positive, Dr. Rasmussen would've recommended a bi-lateral mastectomy. My MRI results came back showing no other tumors and my lymph nodes looked normal. However, he told me that because my lymph nodes look normal doesn't mean there isn't cancer in them. He recommend a lumpectomy for surgery with radiation treatment and possibly chemo.

Here's where the insurance issue came up. I have insurance through the University of Maine. It will cover my expenses for surgery and treatment up to $50,000. If I had everything done in Maine, they would cover me 100%. If I stayed in Utah, they would only cover 80%.

So, I came back to Maine to have surgery and chemo. I met with Dr. Molin at Mercy Hospital in Portland who specializes in breast cancer and only does breast cancer surgeries. A big thank you to Mary for finding her for me! Dr. Molin has been wonderful! She was even willing to come in on a weekend if that's the only time they could get me in for surgery!

I've been back for almost 2 weeks now. I've had a lumpectomy with axillary dissection (the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes). Dr. Molin determined I am at Stage II (early breast cancer). She has me set up for 6 chemo sessions over an 18 week period. After a month off, I will have 6 weeks (30 treatments total) of radiation and 5 years of hormonal treatment (estrogen blocking medicine). I have to go back in on Monday to have more tissue removed because there was an area around the tumor that showed cancer cells and she wants to get those out. Before that surgery though, I need to go to Maine Medical Center to have a mediport put in. This will make it easier for the oncologist and nurses to put the chemo medicine in or take blood, rather than trying to stick a needle in everytime.

I still have a long road ahead of me but I feel confident in Dr. Molin and my mom. They have made this so much easier on me and I want to thank them for that! :) Other than the cancer spreading, all the other tests have come back in my favor. I will be okay. :)

Positives!
I have an amazing family who have been doing all they can to help me!! I love them and am so grateful for everything they've done!!
I have a loving boyfriend who makes me laugh everytime we talk! I love you, Alan!
I have very supportive friends who have shared with me their thoughts, their prayers, and their hopes for my quick recovery.