reflections

I've been listening to the rain and thunder for over an hour and just can't help but feel somewhat pensive and reflective as I take in the reality of how prevelant cancer is in this world. Not to mention how angry and helpless it makes me feel when I know little children are suffering from this incidious disease, as well.

I saw this video. The first two girls in the video are now angels in Heaven after they succumbed to their battles with cancer.. 5 other children in the video passed away also: *After you hit the play button, click on the video to see it more clearly (it will open it in a new window)..for some reason on my page it's cut-off*




God has a plan for all of us. As I read the individual blogs written by the parents of some of these children, it becomes more and more apparent that He works in mysterious ways. Families are brought closer together, people have a newfound faith in Him, and/or they start to see the bigger picture, appreciating the small things in life. And all because of one little life, suffering and fighting, just for the chance to live another day.

It's something I've been experiencing a lot since I was diagnosed myself. Though I know I could do better with each day (ie. not procrastinating, exercising more, eating healthier, etc.), I do feel as though great things have come of this experience, things that probably wouldn't have played out quite as well if I didn't have cancer.

Though we've always been close, I know my family loves me and worries about me. I knew this before, and I know this now, just more strongly than ever. I hope they know how much I love and care about them, and how much I appreciate all that they've done for me. They are my biggest supporters through all of this. Where would I be without them?



My boyfriend, Alan. He has proven his committment by sticking by me through this whole ordeal. How many 22 year-old males would want to be involved with a woman going through breast cancer treatment? Not many. I suppose in a way, having been through this with his dad (who was diagnosed with multiple myeloma) has helped, as its given him an idea of what to expect. That and love. :) And he was the one who was there when I first felt the lump in my breast.. and he was the one who really pushed for me to get it checked out. Who knows what would have become of my life if he weren't in it?



And if you ever wondered how many people really love and care about you in this world, cancer gives you the opportunity to find out! And you'll have people you've never even met offering their love and support and prayers! It's absolutely mind-boggling and truly, truly humbling. I honestly never knew that so many people cared about me! But now I know. And I don't think I would've found out any other way if I didn't have cancer.

(I would post a picture of every, single one of you..but that would take forever!) :)

What I guess I really want you all to remember and really take seriously is that tomorrow is never promised. In an instant, your whole world could change. Too often we take simple things for granted. The mother of 2 year old Layla Grace, the second girl in the video who passed away in March, wrote in her blog:

"The house is quiet. I am able to go through the motions of laundry, dishes, cooking and picking up without interruptions. But I WANT interruptions. I WANT Layla to be under my feet asking for cookies. I WANT to hear her playing with her toys. I WANT to take 45 minutes to unload the dishwasher because she keeps trying to help. For every time I uttered the words “I just can’t get anything done with these kids under my feet all day” I am eternally regretful. The days that I looked forward to naptime so I could get a grocery list made, or finally fold all the piles of laundry…I regret those days too. If I could do it all again, I’d enjoy EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT I had with her. I would never wish for her to sit still or take a nap or go to bed early. I would never look forward to the days when she could sit through an entire episode of Dora silently. I would treasure every second with her."

It's things like this that I'm talking about. Too often we complain (I'm guilty, too!). We don't realize that those things we complain about are really minor. Frustrating? Yes. But are they really as bad as we make them out to be? Probably not.

Life will always have it's ups-and-downs. But how we handle them makes all the difference. Hug your children when you see them. Let them tell you about their day. Spend time with them and let them know you love them. And don't sweat the small stuff.

I could go on and on.. but I just really wanted to vent about this. Pray that someday soon we will find a cure for cancer so that mommmys and daddys, brothers and sisters never have to say good-bye. Especially so soon. God is listening. :)