Miles to go before I sleep

The last stanza reminds me of my radiation treatment and how long it takes to get through the 30 days of treatment (6 weeks total). Miles to go before I sleep.... Hanging in there though.

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

By: Robert Frost

One of my radiation therapists gave me this pillow yesterday before my treatment. I absolutely love it. :)

Count your blessings

I wish I could be with my family and relatives this Thanksgiving, especially with all that I've been through this year. Although I love living in the West, it does make it particularly difficult to spend time with them because of the cost of travel. I hope that next year I will have the money to afford a trip to Maine (or New York) for Thanksgiving.

I am very grateful for Alan and his family for inviting me to share their Thanksgiving dinner with them so I don't have to spend it alone. This will be my second time spending the holiday with them. I'm making a Three Bean Bake to contribute to the dinner. :)

I will be calling my mom, brother, sister and uncle tomorrow to wish them a very Happy Thanksgiving and I look forward to hearing their voices.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And remember to be thankful all year 'round.

"Thankful for all things let us be,
Though there be woes and misery;
Lessons they bring us for our good-
Later 'twill all be understood.

Thankful for friends and loved ones, too,
Thankful for all things, good and true,
Thankful for harvest in the fall,
Thankful to Him who gave it all."

Snowed In

It's a cold and stormy night out there. Salt Lake City is getting it's first good snowstorm of the season. I'm laying in bed with my cat cuddled up next to me, feeling blessed to have warmth and shelter on a night like tonight.

I just wanted to update you on how radiation is going. I've had 5 treatments so far. My skin is beginning to get a little red, but there's no pain. I have 25 more treatments to go, and expect to be done between Christmas and New Year's Day.

I woke up this morning with horrible pain in my right hip, to the point where I could hardly walk. It's gone away for the most part, however I can still feel it. It's amazing what a diagnosis of cancer can do you to. My first thought was, "Oh no. The cancer has metastisized to my bone." It creates this paranoia that's hard to shake, and I am trying to sum it up to the idea that maybe I just slept on it wrong. I'll keep you posted.

As far as other side effects: FATIGUE. I am finding myself exhausted by about 7:00p.m. I have no energy. I'm gaining weight like crazy. Even when I eat right, I'm not losing the weight because I am not exercising. So I now have to challenge myself to get up, go for a walk and then take a nap if I have to. Pray for God to give me strength. And aside from a constant headache all day, things are going well. School is going well. I have an 'A' in Biology which was so exciting to see! And next week, I don't have class, so that will be a nice break.

Hope you all have a nice weekend! Stay warm. :)

Royal Wedding

I know this has nothing to do with breast cancer, but it's an exciting day for me as my celebrity crush for the last 15 years has announced his engagement! :) I know, I'm ridiculous, but I just can't help myself. :) Anyway, congratulations to Prince William and Kate Middleton!

She dresses like a princess already. :)

I've attached the link so you can read about it and watch the video of them talking to the press. :) (Just click on the sentence below.)

Prince William and Kate Middleton speak about their engagement - watch the video here - mirror.co.uk

He gave Kate his late mother's engagement ring because as he stated: "It was my way of making sure my mother didn't miss out on today and the excitement, and the fact that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together."

I thought that was incredibly thoughtful of him. And I'm sure she is very happy for him. :)

I'm really looking forward to watching that event unfold on television next year. I with them all the best for the future! (Even though I wish it were me..) haha I'm just kidding. :)

I have my prince. :)

28 days and counting

I really like these pictures from the website, www.yourtruenature.com This one is appropriate in that it calls for patience. I'm so anxious because I am so close to being done with treatment!! But I've heard it goes by fast.. so I just need to be patient. :)

And so I have begun this last leg of my breast cancer journey. I started radiation on Thursday, November 11th. My prescription calls for 30 days total of treatment and I estimate that I will be done on Christmas Eve (if they're open that day). If they are closed, then it will be December 27th.

The radiation therapists are very kind. They like to joke around with me and (for some reason) think I 'have a great sense of style'. :) They love my purse. They love my necklace. They love my jeans. I walk out of there feeling fabulous!

The radiation is quick and painless. I get to Radiation Oncology, check-in and go right to the dressing room. I change into a hospital gown (leaving the lower half dressed) and sit briefly in the waiting room. Once they call me in, I just walk back to the radiating room, lie down and they mark me and line me up under the machine. Then I just lay there with my arms up over my head, gown open over my mastectomy site and watch the machine rotate around me as I listen to country music. Five minutes later, I'm back in the changing rooom and out the door headed home.

Like I said, quick and painless! :) And that's that. More updates soon! xo

mixed it up

The chaos of this closet is basically how my bedroom looks since I haven't had a chance to unpack or clean since I moved in a week ago.

Due to unorganization or perhaps just a mind-slip, I missed my radiation appointment (for the 'dry run') today. I thought it was at 3:00 p.m. and apparently it was at 11:00 a.m. Not to worry, they rescheduled it for tomorrow at 3:00 p.m.

Goal for the day: Get my bedroom to look like this:



..or at least something like that. :) I'll update again on Wednesday. They told me that they will make the schedule for my radiation (for the next 6 1/2 weeks), following the 'dry run'.

tattoos and tears

Sorry I didn't update sooner. Last week was incredibly busy.

You're probably wondering how it went getting my tattoos and mould for radiation. Well, it hurt. The tattoos did anyway. Hence the title, "tattos and tears".

I arrived at the Hunstman Cancer Hospital, checked in and was led to a dressing room. I was advised to change into a hospital gown but to leave my lower half dressed. After changing, I sat in a waiting room with two other women dressed the same way. I only had to wait about 5 minutes before my name was called. I followed one of the radiation therapists (who was dressed as a ladybug for Halloween) into a room where a CT scan machine was waiting, as well as another radiation therapist (dressed as a bumble bee).

They had me lay down on my back with the gown opening in the front. I had to put my arms up over my head and turn my head to the left. As I lay there, one of the therapists put stickers all over the right side of my chest (basically circling my mastectomy scar) while the other therapist prepared the mould. When she was done preparing it, she brought it over and asked me to sit up as she slid it underneath my head and neck then had me lay back down with my arms back up over my head. I had to lay completely still as the watery substance began to harden around me.

While that was going on, a doctor came in to examine my breast and the sticker placement that the other therapist had plastered on me. Then Dr. Poppe came in and approved of the placement. (Somewhere during all of this, my eyes began to well up with tears. I fought it hard, but to no avail. I suppose it was from a combination of things: embarassment of my naked, exposed upper body, fear and anxiety from being back in the hospital again, and probably frustration because I just want to get on with my life and not have to do all of this stuff anymore. Whatever it was, they streamed down my cheeks slowly but surely as I went in and out of the CT machine. The bumble bee told me that this was the one place I didn't have to be strong and it was okay to cry. And with that, the tears fell a little faster.) I went in and out of the CT scan machine a few times as they planned and plotted around my right lung and any other organ that might be affected by the radiation. Once that was done, I could finally put my arms down as the mould was hardened completely.

Now for the painful part. The bumblebee removed the stickers, which pinched and pulled. She was also the one to tattoo me. She stamped me in six different places: once on the outside of both my breasts along the ribcage, a few times around my former right breast and once on my upper stomach where the top of my right lung is. Then she took what looked like a thumb tac with a slight bend at the end of it and pressed it onto each stamped dot. Imagine someone sticking a tac into your chest, stomach and ribcage. Yup. I cried again. It was not fun. But at least I got to go home after that.

On a happy note, I have completely moved into a new apartment. Alan and I went to a Utah Jazz game last night and watched them beat the Toronto Raptors. We had a great time and laughed all night at the Jazz Bear as he did all kinds of crazy stuff as he worked the crowd. :) School is keeping me busy and I was able to get a work release form from Dr. Poppe so I can go back to work now! :)

I still have JOY in my heart inspite of the pain. I am not alone. xo

Radiation

It snowed today! I'm very excited. :)

Ok, so I met with my radiation oncologist this morning and he went over various things regarding radiation treatment: why it's important, why I need it, how it will be done, for how long and the side effects.

I've been away from treatment for about 3 months now and I forgot how scary it is for me being in the hospital for treatment. :( When he briefly talked about statistics and reccurence I felt myself being consumed in fear, yet again. I've been so busy with everything going on in my life that, even though I think about breast cancer every single day, I don't really carry that deep fear that I get when the doctors talk to me about what I may or may not be faced with down the road. Being reminded of the reality of my situation is always difficult.

But then again, I never know what tomorrow holds. None of us do. That's why living one day at a time is so important and valuable.

So here's the game plan:
Friday at 3:00 p.m. I will go to Huntsman Cancer Institute to get tattoos (they are permanent little dots that allow for alignment in the machine, as well as noting where I've been radiated because you can never radiate the same area twice). They are also going to capture a 'mould' or image of me that they will use to help guide them.

And I should actually start radiation next week. I'm ready.

I was also given a prescription to get a prosthetic to put in my bra so that I can finally feel and look like a woman again. It's been a little discouraging wearing any fitted shirt because of the obvious lack of a right breast. So, this is good news. :)

words to live by

An autumn scene by my favorite painter, Thomas Kinkade :)


I believe that....

-a birth certificate shows that we were born; a death certificate shows that we died; pictures show that we lived!

- no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

- you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

- it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
- you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

-we are responsible for what we do.

-either you control your attitude or it controls you.

-heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

-money is a lousy way of keeping score.

-maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

-our background and circumstances my have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

-two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

-credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

-the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything: they just make the best of everything they have.

Fall is in the air

Today actually felt like fall. It's been raining since last night and that crisp, autumn air is more noticeable during the day, and especially at night. The leaves are now bright yellow and many have fallen, paving the roads. I love it. :)

I've had a very busy weekend. Friday night, Alan showed up at my apartment with flowers and two of my favorite treats (Mountain Dew and Sour Patch Kids). :) I have a great guy and thank God for him all the time! We hung out and watched episodes of Entourage until he had to go to work. After he left, I went with three girls from the University of Utah (one of which Alan works with) to Thanksgiving Point. We did a corn maze then a haunted corn maze, ending the night with some pumpkin picking. It was so much fun! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.:)

Today, Alan and I went to lunch with Dr. Hogle. Afterwards, we went back to his house and spent about 3 hours with him, listening to his stories of hunting and traveling, as he showed us his photography from over the years and later his trophy room full of mounted bull elk, stuffed bears and even a cougar. He has lived a very exciting and fulfilling life and has so much to be proud of!

Some of you may know that I absolutely love photography. So, after seeing all of his pictures of beautiful bull elk in the Salt Lake area, I suggested that he and I go for a drive and he show me the hot spots so I could get some use out of my new camera. He gladly accepted my offer and we plan to do that in about 2 weeks. :) He is just such a kind-hearted, loving man and I'm so grateful to have met him and have him as a friend.

Also, I'm moving to Sandy, Utah at the end of this month! It's a good move for me as it's more affordable, closer to Alan, school and my job! Needless to say, I'm very excited about this. :)

I have my first consultation regarding radiation this Tuesday morning at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. FINALLY!! It's been long awaited and I'm ready to get this next phase of treatment started and finished! I'll be sure to post on Tuesday what the gameplan is. xo

The River

I was listening to music on my iTunes today when I heard this song. It got me thinking (and maybe even crying a little!). These lyrics are just so empowering and true! So, I thought I'd share them with you and hopefully you'll remember the message behind the song. There's a music video at the bottom if you want to listen to the song while you read the lyrics. :) The parts I love most are in bold.

The River by Garth Brooks

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...and

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfiedChoose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide...yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all...yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
'Til the river runs dry

GARTH BROOKS - THE RIVER

deep breath

A picture I took in Minnesota while out on my unce's boat.

School started for me last week. I'm actually very glad to be back taking classes and keeping my mind busy. I'm only going part-time, taking Global Citizenship (required) and Biology, as I was advised radiation will cause a great deal of fatigue.

Aside from school, I've been trying to get my next step in this breast cancer journey started: Radiation

I should've started by now.. and am a little frustrated and nervous because I haven't. I contacted the lady I need to about getting my Breast Cancer Medicaid in order so that I can meet with a Radiation Oncologist. But it seems to always be a waiting game...

Deep breath.

Last night, I went with Alan to his Uncle Pete's birthday party. While there, I met a former breast cancer surgeon from Salt Lake City, who apparently is very well-known and respected in the area. His name is Dr. Hugh Hogle. (I didn't know this until after I had a conversation with him and Alan told me that I had basically just talked to a celebrity.)

He was sitting on the couch and I had made eye contact with him, smiled and looked back down at my plate of food. Something about the way he had looked at me said he wanted to talk to me and when I looked back up at him, I saw him waving for me to come over. I sat down next to him and he put his hand on my arm as he tried to explain that he used to be a breast cancer surgeon. I say "tried", because after sitting with him for a few minutes, I could tell that it was very difficult for him to say what he wanted to. He struggled to get the words out and would say, "Watch." as he drew a word or a number in the air with his finger. At one point he called his wife over and she explained to me that he had a stroke 15 years ago while fishing in Brazil, which unfortunately altered his ability to continue his practice. It left him with limited mobility of his right arm and diffulty with speech.

I sat with him for a while, as he wanted to know about my surgery and where I was from. When I told him I was from Maine, he told me how he went to an all-boys boarding school just outside of Boston. He knew of Mercy Hospital where I had all three surgeries and he had been to Minneapolis (to my knowledge, not the same hospital). It was more than obvious to me that he had a great love for what he did as a breast cancer surgeon. I found out later that his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy.

He still meets with some of his former patients once-a-month for breakfast and is every bit passionate about helping women diagnosed with the disease. In 1996, he wrote a book called, "Our Gift of Love", which consists of some of his former patients' individual breast cancer stories. He invited me to join them for breakfast, as I told him how lonely it is for me here in Salt Lake City not knowing anyone going through breast cancer. What a blessing this connection is for me! And he even offered to give me a copy of his book, which I am very eager to read! When I said goodbye to him, he gave me a big hug and I knew that this man truly cared about my well-being (both physical and emotional). He came in to my life for a reason. :)

Inspite of all that I worry about day-to-day, I am still happy. I continue to remind myself that it could be a lot worse. Even in the face of adversity, I have to persevere. Each day is a new day and I must do what I can with it. I still plan for the future and hope that I have the chance to make a difference in someone's life because of what I've gone through. Just as Dr. Hogle did for me. :)

I really think this quote says it all:

wisdom from a bear

I just happened to stumble across a quote from Winnie the Pooh - who I haven't paid much attention to since I was a child - and was surprised by how profound the things he says really are. I thought I'd share a few. :)


"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you."

"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."

"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo."

"A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference."

"Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day."

"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear."

"Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known."

It's officially..

Breast Cancer Awareness Month!! Yay!! :)

After yesterday, I needed a day like today. Good news right from the start!

So, my sister has had a donation bucket set up at her place of work.

She called this morning to tell me that her boss had called her, saying that a large check was just dropped off for me. He didn't mention the amount of the check and basically just said she should go there to get it asap.

We had NO IDEA it was going to be....

$500.00!!

From an anonymous donor, no less. I was floored by that man's (whoever he is!) generosity!! Bless his heart. :) And a big thank you to him!

I think it was an angel that God sent because He knew that yesterday was such an emotionally draining day. Stress over school, work, radiation and an apartment I can't really afford.. then on top of that, my grandmother passing away.. it was just too much for me and I literally cried ALL day.
Along with the blessing of the donation, I woke up feeling better than I have in the last 5 days. I had more energy to unpack and get my apartment looking more like a home. Just a good day overall. God answered another prayer. :)

So, like I had mentioned earlier, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

What can you do to show your support??

1. Get a mammogram or do a monthly breast exam. (very important!)
2. Wear pink.
3. Donate to Susan G. Komen or any affiliate of breast cancer research.
4. Shop at www.thebreastcancersite.com
5. Keep praying for a cure. Anything is possible with God.
6. Encourage your friends and family to get mammograms.
7. Knit a hat for a cancer patient.
8. Send a card or flowers to someone newly diagnosed or even a survivor!
9. Offer to run errands or make dinner for someone that is sick from treatment.
10. Save and mail your lids from Yoplait or enter the codes online.

In Memory

My grandmother passed away this morning. She was 87 years old. She'd been having a difficult time over the last few years, suffering with dementia (Alzheimer's). I hadn't seen her in about 8 years. Fortunately, I was able to visit with her one last time before she passed. It's hard to believe that I was just with her less than two weeks ago. I know she's in Heaven with my grandfather, her memory is back and she is happy again walking around with her loved ones who have gone before her.

It has been an emotionally difficult day for me. I have cried ever since I hung up the phone with my mom and uncle early this morning. I've done a lot of praying and I'm confident that all is well in Heaven. She's there. Granda's there. And they are at peace, together once again. I couldn't ask God for anything more than that.

"May your unfailing love rest upon us O Lord, even as we put our faith in you."

I want to dedicate this song to Gramsie. I love and miss you. Give Granda a big hug for us. :)

Letters to God

Just wanted to share a song that I really love from the movie, "Letters to God." It's available on DVD now. I've even seen it in Redbox, so go rent it for $1. :)

It's based on the true story.. "A heartfelt tale of inspiration, hope and redemption, Letters to God is the story of what happens when one boy’s walk of faith crosses paths with one man’s search for meaning....

Tyler Doherty is an extraordinary eight-year-old boy. Surrounded by a loving family and community, and armed with the courage of his faith, he faces his daily battle against cancer with bravery and grace. To Tyler, God is a friend, a teacher and the ultimate pen pal - Tyler’s prayers take the form of letters, which he composes and mails on a daily basis."

I love the lyrics, in particular the lines, "I would not be here tonight, if I had to choose. It's always the bigger things in life that seem to choose you....When I'm buried in the questions, I can find the answers. I close my eyes and listen 'til I remember.... Everything is beautiful." :)



Hope you like it. :) Oh, and p.s. She was on American Idol.. she totally should've won. ;)

xoxo

I love traveling!

My mom took this picture of me under Delicate Arch. My arms are outstretched and I feel like I am finally conquering my battle with cancer. :)

We made it to Salt Lake City! :) The road trip took a little longer than planned, but it was all worth it.

Day 1: I was able to see most of my family in St. Paul and my friend, Mercy. Then we drove to Deadwood, South Dakota.
Day 2: Went to Devil's Tower, Wymoing.
Saw the Crazy Horse monument.
Mount Rushmore
Stayed in Laramie,Wyoming that night.
Day 3: We arrived in SLC, UT.





So, when we got to my new apartment, I was happily surprised to see these waiting for me:



Thank you Alan! :) Also, thank you Alan and Jake for helping me out by moving all of my stuff into my apartment before I got there! Thank you to my Uncle John for picking us from the airport, letting us crash at his place for a night and treating us to breakfast! And a big thank you to my mom for helping pay for all of the travel expenses. I couldn't have done without her!

What's my next step? Getting over this cold that came out nowhere.. register for classes (tomorrow), and find a place to start radiation. Sounds good to me. :)

here, there, and everywhere

Just wanted to give a quick update before I head back out West.

I spent last weekend in upstate New York visiting my mom's side of the family. I haven't been back in about 8 years and it was soo nice seeing everyone again: Gramsie, Aunt Stef, Uncle John, Uncle Eric, Cousin Ann, Greg and Laura, and my grandfather's grave which I haven't been to since he was buried over 9 years ago.

We went out to breakfast Saturday morning, went shopping and to Lake George during the day, and had a big steak dinner that night. On Sunday, my mom, cousin Ann, Uncle Eric and myself went to breakfast before we all went home (At the restaurant, an 8 year breast cancer survivor gave me a t-shirt with the pink ribbon on it. So cool!). The trip was much too short, but I hope to be able to visit again soon because I miss everyone already. Here's some pictures from this weekend:

In Lake George, NY with my 87 year old grandmother. (She has Alzheimer's and didn't know who I was. It's very sad but I'm glad I was able to see her again and spend some time with her.)

Lake George, NY

Aunt Stef, Uncle Eric, and me

Cousin Ann and I

I miss him. :(

So, to add to my days of traveling....

My mom, sister and I are staying in Portland tonight. It's my last chance to see Georgie before I leave. Then my mom and I are flying to St. Paul tomorrow - Thursday we are driving to Salt Lake City, doing a little sight-seeing along the way:

Rapid City, South Dakota

Deadwood, South Dakota

Mount Rushmore.

We'll probably stay the night somewhere in Wyoming. But the plan is to be in SLC on Friday!! Yay!! Finally. :) I miss the mountains and especially, Alan. :)

I Run For Life

If you want to hear the song they played when all the survivors got on the stage at the race, play the video above. It always makes me cry.. but Melissa Etheridge is a 6 year breast cancer survivor (in the video her hair is short because she's only a year out from chemo). It's a song she wrote. One of my favorite verses: "It's a blur since they told me about it/How the darkness had taken its toll/And they cut into my skin/And they cut into my body/But they will never get a piece of my soul."

Soo, I had THE BEST time at the Susan G. Komen: Race for the Cure last Sunday! My whole family was there, as well as one of my best friends and 5 girls I went to high school with. And.. I wasn't the only bald headed woman walking around.. which was certainly a highlight of the day. :)

Even with the cooler weather and cloudy day, there was an amazing turnout. More than 1,300 people participated in Portland's first ever Race for the Cure. More than $100,000 was raised, most of which will stay in the state of Maine to help with funding.

Right from the moment I stepped into the area where the tents were set-up (bright and early at 7:45 a.m.), I couldn't help but notice how nice and friendly everyone was: they wanted to help, they wanted to give me a hug, they wanted me to dress up in the diva costume, they wanted to ask me about my treatment and diagnosis.. I can honestly say that, for the first time since I was diagnosed, I didn't feel alone. There were actually other women there who understood virtually every feeling I have felt. They had been on the same rollercoater of emotions that I've been on since February.

I met a woman who was 28 at the time of her diagnosis. Six years after her first diagnosis, she had a recurrence in the same exact spot. Not only that, but she now has congestive heart failure due to the chemotherapy medicine, Adrimyacin. She's now 37 and other than those two set-backs, she is doing well. Meeting her added to my sense of union rather than obscurity because she was diagnosed under the age of 30.

I was also interviewed by Channel 6 News. Woohoo! 5 seconds of fame! :)

Here is the clip but you'll have to copy and paste the information below into another web browser because when I added it the form for a blog, it said the video was unavailable:

http://www.wcsh6.com/video/default.aspx?bctid=607601362001#/Komen+Race+for+the+Cure+runs+through+Portland/607601362001


All in all, it was an amazingly uplifting day! I had the love and comfort of my family and friends that were there to walk with me, as well as an unshakable hope from being surrounded by survivors. What more could a girl ask for? :)

And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her, Remember me
We will be running
As we have before
Running for answers
Running for more

I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother,your sister,your daughter,your wife
for you and me my friend
I RUN FOR LIFE

Have a safe and happy weekend! My mom and I are headed to upstate New York to visit family. :)

Race for the Cure

I'm very excited to be participating in my first Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5k! The race is going to be in Portland, ME this Sunday, September 12th at 10 a.m. Meet at Payson Park. My mom helped me register for it and sent out an e-mail asking for any help with donations to reach our goal of $125.00. And thankfully, we've been able to raise a little more than that, which is awesome! :)

Thank you to the following people for helping us reach our goal:

Tess Ftorek (2 year breast cancer survivor!)

Leslie Koc (20 year breast cancer survivor!)

Eric Wappett

Stefanie Wappett

(Of the net proceeds, 75 percent remains in the State of Maine to fund education, screening, and treatment programs. 25 percent goes to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Grants Program, funding cutting edge breast cancer research.)

If any of you are interested in running or walking the event, go to http://www.komenmaine.org/ . There is a $25.00 entry fee.

I can't wait to meet those women still fighting it like I am and all the survivors!! It's a sisterhood that I am now a part of, even though none of us ever wanted to be in it. But we all have a few things in common: the fear of breast cancer, the sadness that comes with having scars on your chest or losing your hair, and the faith that God will get us through anything if we let Him. Just the atmosphere alone will be empowering and I know it's going to be amazing!!

I will be walking with my mom, sister, brother, and my friend Ali. Also, 3 girls I graduated with from Catherine McAuley High School will be there, too: Heather, Magen, and Maria. It'll be a day full of emotion as we honor those who continue to fight, admire those that have survived, and remember those who lost the battle.

I'm so grateful that all of them will be there, not only to support me, but to support all the women that have been through this. It's an opportunity to see women who have been through probably the biggest challenge of their lives. And I'm sure you can, and will, see that on their faces....

This woman was diagnosed with cancer during her second trimester.











"It's not okay to just sit back and let things happen when you can make a difference." -from the movie, 'Go the Distance'

Making Strides

So much for keeping up with my blog! It's been almost a month! A lot has happened in that time.... so let me fill you in. :)

I left off updating you on my last chemotherapy treatment. It's all done and I'm happy to say my hair is coming back and my eyebrows are even starting to come in now! Very exciting stuff. :)

I met with Dr. Zera for my follow-up and he told me that he feels confident that I shouldn't have any problems in the future (although it's never guaranteed with cancer). For surgery, he recommended a simple mastectomy.

I said good-bye to Alan and Uncle John on August 18th. I met my mom in Boston, had lunch with my cousin Greg and his girlfriend Laura, and then got on a bus back to Portland. Upon arriving in Portland, I went right to my doctor's appointment at Mercy Hospital. I saw Dr. Molin again for the first time since March and her nurse Cathy McDonald. They were as happy to see me as I was them. :) We went over my options for surgery and suprisingly Dr. Molin said she felt comfortable doing another lumpectomy, if I wanted to do that.

Now, I have a full C-cup. I've already had two lumpectomies and it really doesn't look all that different. I mean, there is a bit of an indentation where I had surgery, but nothing major. However, I thought about how another lumpectomy would cause even more of an indentation. When she told me radiation therapy would cause my breast to shrink even more, I made the choice to go with the mastectomy, rather than have one C-cup and one deformed B-cup. She supported me on that, as did my mom and my nurse. Dr. Molin also said we could take out my port which was such a relief! That finalized that chemo was officially over. :) We followed the meeting with Cathy going over ways to fix the slight lymphadema swelling that had started in my right hand, as well as going over meditative practices to do during the week prior to surgery.

I had my mastectomy surgery on August 26th. Pre-op I tried very hard to put on a brave face, but inside I was terrified and secretly grieving the fact that I was about to lose my right breast. I held up pretty well until Dr. Molin came in and began using a marker to draw on my breast, marking where she needed to for the surgery that was just minutes away. I think she could tell that anxiety and sadness were starting to consume me, so after spending a few moments trying to comfort me, she ordered a sedative. It was after she was out of sight that I looked down at my breast for the final time and just started to cry. Tears just started streaming as I prayed to God to help me accept this. My mom came over and hugged me and started crying, too, telling me, "It'll be okay."

This is my pre-op picture (before I started to cry)

Moments later a nurse came, put in an IV, and literally asked me, "Are you ready to get high?". I looked at him and at the nurse standing at the end of my bed and jokingly replied, "What is this place?". Next thing I remember I was waking up to my mom giving me a hug in post-op. Before surgery, I had asked my mom to take some pictures to show you all what I was going through. She laughed when, in my drunken anesthetic state, I said to her, "You can take pictures now."

This is my post-op picture

To be honest, I feared the worst. I thought I would be in agonizing pain and would see the most hideous looking wound following this surgery. But much to my dismay, the pain was minimal and it really didn't look bad at all! In fact, for having a breast removed, it looked pretty good! I spent the night in the hosptial, had an ocean view (per request by my high-maintenance self), ate delicious food and was well taken care of by the doting and compassionate hospital staff. The evening after my surgery, I got to spend some time with my sister who always makes me laugh which was just what I needed. :) Then I had dinner with her and my mom (hosptial food, of course). I slept pretty well, only being woken up to have my vitals checked and to see if I needed any pain medicine. Before I knew it, I was up and out of there the next day around noon! (My brother had to work these days so unfortunately he wasn't able to be there.)

In my hospital room

The view from my room

My sister and I after my surgery

I loved my sister's shirt :)



I had my post-op appointment September 2nd. The incision is healing well and Nurse Cathy removed my drain. That was an interesting moment! The tube was coiled around inside where my breast used to be to help remove any fluid. Want to know how it's removed? Ready? She pulled it out in about 1 second! ....I guess you'd have to see it to really be weirded out.

Now for the best news EVER! My pathology report came back and it said, "No residual invasive or in citu carcinoma." No cancer cells were found!! Thank you God for hearing our prayers!! :)

So, aside from recovering from surgery and feeling relieved from the good news, I found an apartment in Salt Lake City. Very excited about that and about getting back out to Utah to see Alan and some friends. :) I was also able to visit some friends from Maine that I haven't seen in over a year. I attended my friend, Jenn's wedding September 5th. She was such a beautiful bride and it was great seeing her! I also visited my friends Ali, Lisa (and her new baby boy!) and Sam (and her son). My friends are all growing up before my eyes and I'm so happy for them. :)

I'm going to be in a Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure on Sunday. More details on that in tomorrow's blog! :)

Thanks for all the love, support, and prayers! xo

Positives:

I've spent a lot of time with my family!
Surgery went well!
I finally have clear margins!
I've been able to visit friends!