One Thousand Gifts

There is nothing health-wise to update on (thank God). But the Conference for Young Women affected by breast cancer is only 4 days away!! I am very excited about this for a few reasons:

1. I get to see my mom and aunt and cousins.
2. I get to meet hundreds of other women going through what I did, but who are my age.
3. I get to be in 75-80 degree weather.
4. I get to spend a day at Disney World.

Needless to say, I have a lot to look forward to this week. :)

I completed my CNA training last Friday and passed both my written and skills tests. When I get back from Florida, I plan to take my state testing so I can be a Certified Nursing Assitant.

I met some wonderful people at the Care Center I trained at. The elderly have such grace and wisdom that can only come through years and years of experience with all that life throws at you. Their ability tolerate what others would probably complain about is incredible. I met one lady, age 86, who only recently became legally blind. I talked with her for quite awhile. I told her of my diagnosis with cancer and she, without hesitation, told me that God would take care of me. That I would live a long time and I needn't worry. And she told me she would pray for me, that prayers do work.

I had a few of the women tell me that they would pray for me. For me, it is so comforting to hear. Though I am done with treatment, it doesn't necessarily mean I am out of the clear. Most would probably tell me to think positive, which I do, but I also have to be realistic. There is a difference and I have to accept that nothing is guaranteed. But what I do know for sure is that, "Faith brings the gift of new beginnings just when we need them."

God has given me another chance at life. I am constantly planning for my future. There is a lot that I want to see, a lot of things I want to do, and I am working towards accomplishing all that I can in this short life, cancer or no cancer. I suppose that is one of the greatest gifts to come out of this experience. I am learning to stop saying, "There's always tomorrow." Tomorrow is never guaranteed, and not only that, you never know what it may bring. I am a walking example of how quickly life can change in a matter of seconds.


A fellow sister within the realm of breast cancer told me of a book called, "One Thousand Gifts", by Ann Voskamp. This sparked my curiousity and I researched it. I have to say, I am in love with this idea. It encourages readers to write down at least three things, every day, that you are thankful for. The author began writing her 'One Thousand Gifts' and it is all very inspiring. Below is a video that correlates with the book:




With cancer, a lot of emotions consume you. A lot of negative emotions, at that. I've learned how important it is to stay focused on a positive light and sometimes that takes not only work, but daily reminders. I am going to practice this idea and I hope you will, too. :)

Love,
Annie xx

Busy bee

The past few weeks have been very busy for me, hence the busy bee. ;)

I started a CNA training class that runs for three weeks, Monday-Thursday from 9-3, and on Friday's we do our clinicals at an assisted living center. Not only that, but I'm still working a few days a week (closing shifts). So sometimes my day can be 10+ hours. It's exhausting, but worth it.

All that aside, I am feeling pretty good. No pain or anything. However, I feel as though my GI tract is still not back to normal from when I first began chemo. I explained my symptoms to Dr. Werner when I saw her a few weeks ago. She said that it was pretty normal and that it may not go back to it's pre-chemo state for about 6-12 months out from my last treatment. I'm hoping it does sooner than July. But if I still have concerns, she set me up with a GI doctor. I may need to have a colonoscopy if it doesn't go back to normal. Yikes.

Also, my stamina is not where I would like it to be. But it could just be the long days....

One big plus, is that my hair is getting longer and longer..and curly!! :)

I went to my first training session at the Wellness Center last Thursday. I'm still hoping to run the entire 5k on April 16th without stopping. Unfortunately, since starting the CNA training, I haven't had the time or energy to train for it. Also, I NEED to start eating better. I have a food journal but have only logged one day's worth of information since I got it.

Goals for next week:
Walking after each class for 30 min.
Eat better!

And lastly, I will be in Florida two weeks from today!! :) I am so excited to meet all of the other young women who know and understand what I have been through. And more than anything, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MY MOM!! And my Aunt Stef and cousins, Theresa and Alex! Should be fun!! xx

Spring will be here soon!!!!

One year ago

Yes, it has officially been one year since my diagnosis. It is hard to believe that it has been that long. When I reflect back to when I first heard the doctor say, "I'm sorry to tell you this..but the results did come back as cancer.", I remember how my mind went numb and I just started to cry. I remember feeling denial and disbelief for weeks following that day. I remember crying mostly out of frustration because the cancer was interfering with my happiness and with my life. I had plans and cancer was ruining all of them. I was mad. I was at myself for not taking better care of myself, thinking it was all my fault that this happened. And I just wanted to believe that they had made some sort of mistake, that it couldn't possibly be happening to me.

And when it finally sank in, I begged God not to let me die. And I cried. A lot.

I remember everything happening so quickly. I was constantly seeing doctors, having tests done, prepping for surgery, waiting for results, going back into surgery, waiting for results, deciding when to start chemo, deciding what chemotherapy drugs to take, for how long, where, and waiting some more....

My life had become a whirlwind of medical terms I didn't understand and I was scared. I hated hearing the hushed conversation between my doctors, nurses, and mom. I hated sitting in a chair, as the center of attention, and having them all stand around me, looking at me, and telling me what to expect from all of these treatments. It was so hard to hear that my cancer was aggressive. It was hard to hear that my hair would fall out. Everything was so completely overwhelming and frightening.

But it wasn't all bad. In fact, I like to think of it as a blessing in disguise.

Right from start, once I had the courage to tell everyone that I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer, came the most beautiful outpouring of love and support from family, friends, other women who had been through it, and people I didn't even know. Alan stayed with me through it all, proving to be a stronger man than most. I was able to know my dad's side of the family better after spending my summer with them while I went through chemo. I heard from friends and family I hadn't seen in years and so many reached out to me. I found God again and He has been the one I reach out to the most when it gets really tough.

I had a very, very difficult year physically and emotionally. But it was a beautiful experience in that it taught me a lot about myself. I think I was able to help others remember that life is precious. I came to realize I was a fighter and I have a lot more strength than I thought. But I believe we're all a lot stronger than we think. :)

Here's to putting that year behind me.

I love you guys. Thanks for all that you've done for me. You know I couldn't have done it without you. xx