ups and downs.. but mostly ups!

This picture is of Alan and I at Artist Point in Yellowstone last May. I didn't have a car so being the nice guy that he is, he offered to take me exploring. I had so much fun that day! :)

*sigh*

Ok, so I have some updates.

The most frustrating thing by far is that my surgeon called me this morning. And guess what? I need to have a THIRD surgery. At this point, I am seriously considering a double mastectomy. Having that done reduces the risk of it coming back by 95%. And that is to the lowest degree. I plan on meeting with my surgeon next week to go over my options, including discussing that surgery. ugh..stupid cancer.

Second, I won't have that surgery until after chemo. My doctor told me I can't put chemo off any longer and I need to start as soon as possible. So, when I was hoping to be done with Step #2.. I have to backtrack to Step #1 before I can go on to Step #3 Radiation.

Third, I can't seem to figure out where I want to do chemo. I have options and picking just one has been really stressing me out. I can stay with relatives in either New York or Minnesota.. or I can go with my sister down to Georgia.. or I can try and transfer to Boston....or I can stay in Maine. Why is this so hard for me to decide? :(

And finally, my Breast Health Nurse in Farmington called to tell me that my oncology doctor was very pleased to hear that I was interested in going to Georgia for care. It would be relaxing living amongst the palm trees of the south.. but I'm worried that it will be a huge burden on my sister to take care of me for 4 months. However, both of us have talked about the fun we would have traveling around Georgia, South Carolina, and Florida on the days when I'm feeling healthy. :)

My CT scan last Friday went well. I had to drink this nasty highlighting fluid before I went in.. and they accessed my port to draw blood and put the contrast in (to highlight my insides). It took less than 5 minutes for them to get the pictures of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis. I got the call this afternoon from April (my favorite oncology nurse!) and they didn't see anything indicating that the cancer had spread to my organs. So, that was really great news! :)

How am I doing emotionally? Not gonna lie.. this is REALLY starting to get to me. Trying not to cry has been very difficult. I'm trying to stay as strong as I can. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared.... Breast cancer in younger women is far more aggressive than it is with the elderly. And to have to endure a third surgery, after I thought that part was over, is like being kicked in the face when you're already down.

Soooo. To think happy thoughts and tell you all about my wonderful family and friends is the most important part! :) I have a lot of thank you's to say!

I have recieved cards, donations (including a $100 check to just go out and have fun with! And it had a note on it that said, "Montana misses you!"), flowers, a bookset, framed pictures, a handmade scarf and hat (pink, of course!), a necklace, a bracelet, gone out to dinner a few times, a soft blanket, a pink snuggie, a book on the National Parks, a Nintendo DS with games to use while I sit through chemo or in a waiting room, food, phone calls, text messages, e-mails, relatives offering me to stay with them during treatment, and another friend started a blog to help raise money and is running in the Race for a Cure this May in Salt Lake City! Also, thank you to those former breast cancer patients who have listened to me, given me advice, and answered all of my questions. Your knowledge and understanding of what I'm going through is so comforting. And you are on the survivor side, so it gives me hope!

This is how I find the courage to keep going! I feel so loved!! So, THANK YOU!! to: Mary, Lexi, Jake, Mike, Tess, Denise, Glenn, Caleb, Derek and Barb, my brother and his hockey team, Sandi, Becky, Greg and Lynne, Liz, Aunt Marianne, Aunt Stef, my cousins Nicole, Standish, and the Wappetts, Uncle Paul, Uncle Eric, Mel, Rachel, Alex, the Frost family, the Kerr family, Janice, Kyla, Jenn, Lynn, Katelyn, Marion, and everyone else who has left me a comment or message on Facebook. :) I appreciate and love you all!

And of course a big thank you to my family for all that they're doing to help! I know my pain is their pain. It's not going to be easy at times, but it will all be worth it in the end. I love you guys! :)

And Alan, thank you for your patience and optimism with all of this. Like you keep saying, I'll be back before you know it! :) I love you and miss you! Can't wait to see you again!

So, at the end of the day, even when I'm knocked down again.. I always get back up. I have a million hands offering to help me and this is what life should always be like. Thank you all again!!

I will be okay. :)

Positives:

See above. :)