It's been over 6 months since I last upated. In that time, I celebrated my 28th birthday, walked in Salt Lake City's Susan G. Komen race, spent a summer working in Yellowstone, got a job working as a daycare teacher,and attended a Survivor luncheon put on by Susan G. Komen. I've also had my first haircut in a year. See the picture below:
It's that time of year again where I go in for my check-ups, bloodwork,and testing. I had bloodwork done last Thursday and will meet with my oncologist, Dr. Werner, on Monday. I'm praying that everything will come back normal as I haven't been feeling all that great lately. I have a really bad cough that started over the summer and has progressively gotten worse over the last week. I also have an MRI of the left breast on October 28th. Again, hoping for all good news when these results come back. It's always nerve-wracking to have to wait for these things, but no matter what happens, I trust Jesus.
I haven't lost any weight like I'd hoped I would. I've gone back to my nutrionist and personal trainer with the hopes that I can get this weight off. I realize I'm an emotional eater. When I am stressed out, I often turn to food. I'm trying to find healthier alternatives, but I find that I struggle with this.
Another thing I've noticed since I've been on the "survivor" side of all this, is that when all the treatment is done and you're thrown back into the real world again, it is very difficult to adjust. At least it has been for me. My priorities have changed. I'm still very sensitive about this topic. I still cry often when I think about it. I have the daily reminder every day when I look down at my chest and see that scar that was once my breast. I feel as though I've become withdrawn in an effort to find myself again. I feel as though people my age just can't understand or relate. I feel different. I just want to go one day without thinking about cancer. I want to think that this cough is maybe just allergies or a cold, not lung cancer. I know it takes time to overcome these feelings and concerns, but for now, they are haunting me.
One other thing that has been on my mind lately is my desire to move back to Maine. I miss my family and friends there. I miss the ocean. I really miss all that's familiar to me and I really just want to go back to a place where I know I have people that love me. Being here in Utah has been difficult to adjust and I think with the way I've been feeling, I really need to be around people that care about me. If I can afford to, I plan to move back this spring or summer.
Breast cancer had become my world and now I am trying to figure out how to let go of that and start living life - my second chance. I have taken full advantage of the Wellness Center at Huntsman Cancer Hospital: yoga, acupuncture, zumba, seeing a nutritionist, and attending cicuit training. I know I will find my way again, it has just been a lot harder than I imagined it would be. I just need to let go, breathe, and take it one day at a time.
Look at your cute hair! I keep trying to decide when I am supposed to get a haircut.
ReplyDelete*fingers crossed* on your lungs. It is normal to react to just about everything suspicious with your body. My husband has about 10 doctors appointments he needs to make because I am am wary about his health (he is only 29).
We have always been wanting to move out of state, but cancer has made me feel like we need to stick close to my family. Maybe after that magical 5 year mark we will wander off... I understand why you would want loved ones close.